As despedidas

Por Vanessa Campos

Esta semana me despedi da minha avó. Ela já estava velhinha com seus 86 anos. Já havia vivido bastante. Cada vez que tenho que me despedir de alguém todas as outras perdas que tive na vida me veem na cabeça. Se foram muitas? O suficiente para deixarem marcas profundas na minha alma…que tem um nome SAUDADE.

as-despedida-vanessa-campos

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Lembranças são algo curioso, são atemporais. A medida que o tempo passa elas não se apagam, ficam ali marcadas na gente. Me lembro da minha terapeuta que sempre me dizia: “Vanessa o que tá dentro de ti nunca vai se apagar. Não vai sair daí. É TEU!”, e realmente isso acontece.

Outro dia fui visitar um asilo para realizar um trabalho voluntário e me emocionei. Conversei com vários idosos. Eles gostam de tocar na gente, dão as mãos…e ficam ali conversando sobre as suas lembranças. Estava eu distraída quando uma senhora bem magrinha, com mãos bem fraquinhas pegou minha mão…inacreditavelmente ela tinha a mesma textura das mãos de uma das pessoas que mais amei…meu avô Saldanha. Homem sensível, amoroso, delicado, gentil. Nossa que saudade. E nesse dia tive a lembrança de quando eu – menina com meus 10 anos dava a minha delicada mãozinha para ele. E assim ficávamos juntos passeando pelas ruas do centro de Porto Alegre numa felicidade indescritível. Era tão cheio de amor e delicadeza esse momento que me lembro como se fosse hoje, olhava para ele totalmente apaixonada.

Revivi toda a minha história! Lembrei do cheiro dele, do jeito dele falar…como se ele estivesse ali ao meu lado. Fiquei triste? Um pouco queria que ele tivesse ficado um pouco mais comigo. Me ensinado mais coisas, me amado. Tive saudade!!!! Tive meu coração cheio de amor e esperança. Me senti viva por ter sentimentos bons dentro da minha alma. Que me inundam de felicidade.

Não queremos perder. NUNCA! Perder é horrível. Causa dor, tristeza, raiva, inconformidade, sofrimento, mas muitas vezes não temos escolhas. Ninguém nos pergunta se estamos de acordo. Simplesmente os ciclos terminam… mas insisto em dizer para vocês que eles permanecem vivos dentro de cada um de nós.

Voltando a minha despedida…minha avó querida! Realmente eu gostava dela. A admirava. Era uma mulher forte! De ideias claras, se posicionava. Sempre tínhamos conversas inacreditáveis. Intimas. Ela queria me passar suas conclusões. Para que eu pudesse não cometer os mesmos erros que ela cometeu. Enquanto eu me despedia dela tivemos a nossa última conversa. Ela ali parada e eu, com meu coração mais que aberto e cheio de amor, falei: “descansa avó …vai para um lugar que tu encontre a tua paz. E não te preocupa que farei tudo o que tiver ao meu alcance para ser a única coisa que tu sempre me aconselhou : SER FELIZ!”

Assim foi a nossa última conversa…somente eu falei? Com certeza não, porque ela continuará dentro de mim sempre. Carregarei comigo a força que ela sempre me deu como exemplo. Que ela descanse em paz!

Um beijo grande até semana que vem

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